Some days tougher than others....

It's been a few months since I've had time, energy, or even inspiration enough to update this blog, for that I apologize.  

We have had a great start to our homeschooling despite all that's happened from the beginning of our school year.  The kids are in Karate and Boxing, and Annie may soon start gymnastics, Matthew has decided he hates Algebra, Nicholas was nominated to be an ambassador to People to People and has the chance to go to Japan if we can raise the funds to cover his tuition next year on a summer venue, but that may/may not happen, heck we're proud of him just for being nominated.  Way to go Nick!!!!!  Eric our oldest pretty much thinks school now that he's a sophomore is burdensome of his time...we keep telling him he's wrong and we're praying it's just a late phase of laziness he's entered.  James Jr. and Annie have made wonderful strides in math and reading, so much so that tomorrow they've earned a treat to dinner out with me and their daddy at Steak & Shake.  Couldn't ask for a better start there.

But as to my absence from the blog, we lost our precious baby Jesse August 9, 2010.  We were 16 weeks and devastated.  Nothing could be done short of saving my life.  It hurt and was one of the most painful things our family has ever experienced.  Burying a baby noone should ever ever have to do.

But that's not the worst part, the worst part is people around me, I have a few friends or those I thought were friends who have either ceased in calling me or hanging out with me for whatever reasons but they act like remembering my son is the same thing as remembering something forbidden. God forbid I remember it, think about it, talk about it, acknowledge it in some way. I might be re-traumatized. I get they don't know what to do, what to say, how to act... Do they think I'm relieved that they purposefully avoid honouring my son's memory lest I shed a tear? Well, aren't they the heroes at saving my heart anymore pain?!!!

Do they really think that someone who has lost a child never wants to speak of it? I'm so sick of people pretending my child doesn't exist. I want to shout it from the rooftops: Jesse existed!".

Why do we all feel so angry and upset over this that we're willing to go to incredible lengths to force the people around us to realize we had another child?

It's because of them!!!!

Their selfish caution that they feel it's okay to deny the existence of my child completely. A child I loved, cherished, wanted, desperately prayed and hoped for, cried over and will never forget.

All I have left is a mere memory of that day.  A memory of being pregnant and horrendously losing my child in a brutal delivery only to have him whisked away before I ever got to see him completely, my memory of him in the doctors hands, the blood, almost losing consciousness into some warm golden white misty void and then having to deal with bereavement people, get his death certificate, get assistance and help from the church to bury him and then picking out his casket!

How easy is it for them to forget? Good for them, I sure do hope they sleep well at night because I haven't.  Let's just not talk about it. That will be better for them, right?  Well, I go about my day reminded every second that I'm missing our son, our baby, our Jesse throughout my home? Well excuse me if they're offended by my anger.

I don't need people to walk on eggshells. I need them to treat me normally, treat me with respect, and treat me like a mother.   At this point they can take their "good intentions" and shove it.  Yes I said shove it and I know that's not very Christ-like of me, but I'm tired of those around me calling themselves my friends when a friend wouldn't treat me or my kids the way we've been treated or should I say ignored?

For those that care and have called and sent cards and well wishes and even prayed for us, a big big thank you from the bottom of my heart, that means more than you can ever know.

Thank you for viewing.  Tomorrow I will post about the two illnesses I have Systemic Lupus and Fibromyalgia, there's some things that need to be addressed and what they are and how it plays into and effects our lives from normal family things, to homeschooling, to even relationships again with so called friends.

With all that said goodnight and thank you for reading this far!  And I've got videos of the kids coming up that are a must see for those following our journey. 

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Errands, Pipe Cleaners, and fun oh my...

It's been an interesting week so far.  We're nearing our completion of learning of England's beginnings, triumphs, and losses and of it's famous women, Beatrix Potter, and Margaret Thatcher to name just a couple. 

Annie is preparing for her 1st drama play coming up, she gets to play an Ant and a Snowdancer.  Costumes are easy enough but we still need to get a black headband, pipe cleaners and also some white and blue fabric and some glitter, I'm still trying to decide between gold and silver - of course I could use both.

Today is a very light day here in our home school schedule, a day mostly filled with simple work book pages.  For me that's a blessing as I have to get ready to do errands here in a bit, and stop in a quick trip to the grocery store.  Always fun.  Tonight might just be a burger and fries night.  Sounds good to me, maybe even I'll show Nicholas, our esteeming young cook, how to saute onions and mushrooms for the burgers. I think he's going to grow up and give Emeril a run for his money - BAM!

We have exciting news, our dog Roxy is pregnant and due with her pups around the middle - end of May.  It will be a learning experience for the kids in Animal Science, but it will also be fun to have baby puppies, love their little faces and their puppy smell.  But, we'll be giving them away to good homes when the time comes, I just hope the kids and even I do not get so attached.

Well off to do last minute preps before going out.

Snow, Taxes, Shopping, and my Robot Foot

Truth be told, winter is supposed to be a peaceful time of the seasons as things are covered in a pure white blanket of serenity and calm.  But not here in my neck of the woods, for even though we're blanketed with a crisp pretty snow and due to get more by the week-end it's been anything but peaceful and calm.

For starters  there was a roller skating accident about 2 weeks ago that left me with what my children have now deemed the "Robot Foot".  That's my walking air cast in the picture (and yes my foot is in it) as I have a fractured foot.  Needless to say I've learned not to help teenagers try to roller skate that do NOT have any balance whatsoever.  Hopefully though in 4 more weeks I'll be back to normal, as right now it's touch and go, as long as I am not up on it too much it doesn't hurt that bad, but when they want to go shopping or I have to be up doing chores boy does it get pretty painful and swollen.

We did get our taxes done and that's a blessing as it's allowed us to buy some needed toys for the kids we couldn't otherwise afford, help my parents out some, and pay our bills and there is even enough to begin to redo our great room and turn it into a master bedroom for my hubby and me.  That will also be an excellent way we've learned to provide some industrial arts/shop classes for the boys, I just pray they wait to begin til I have a stocked first aid kit and a fire extinguisher as my hubby in contrast could give Tim Allen who portrays Tim the  "Tool Man" Taylor on Home Improvement a run for his money and throw in 4 boys in the mess and well I'd say we'd almost have a pretty good sitcom of our own here.

Today we took a free day to just enjoy each other and also to get caught up on some household chores, but there is still much to do.  I think I could give those household shows about decluttering and ways to make things less cluttered a headache if they were to come visit us.  My house beats all so far as I know.

Tomorrow Annie has drama which she missed last week due to her birthday and the weather etc and timing of things so hopefully she won't be too far behind in the class as they only covered the Story of the Ant and the Grasshopper but still, I don't like it when she has to miss a class as it seems to throw us all off of schedule.

But she had a great party, I've got to upload into the computer her pictures soon and I will and write about it, hard to believe she's 9 now, but her party was grand and all her friends she wanted to be there came and she had a lovely time.  Me I'm glad it only happens once a  year for her.  Now no more parties until summer, but at least then the weather will be warmer and I shouldn't be needing a cast then I hope.

I See Snowflakes and the Kids See $$ Dollar Signs

Last week Nicholas and James Jr.  worked together after the snow we'd first gotten and made a total of $24 dollars shoveling driveways for people.  Last night we had a monstrous system move in on us, and today through tomorrow (they've forecasted) it's unloading.  Whereas I see pretty falling snow, the kids are seeing nothing but dollar signs falling from the sky, but it's given them the pefect intro to business math and making a small budget for their candy, pop, and gum.  It's great when even mother nature helps to provide school without the kids realizing it.  Here is what our neck of the woods looks like today:

It's up over the tires and that evergreen across the way just looks so pretty covered in snow!

This is headed down towards my mom's and nothings moving.

And this is across the way from our house....course that's not our trash can across the street, Nicholas had already went out and gotten our this morning but as you can see noone is really out in this and there is no traffic at all back here on our side at all.

It's snowing again here and who knows I might have to film the kids when they go out and have a snowball fight while this stuff is coming down.......sounds like a fun idea for them....and will give me a reason to play around with the computer gadgets on here....

Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow....

Yeah where was this stuff when it was Christmas?  Ahh well, better late than never right?  And on top of it Annie was down hearted as there was no drama class today.

Mind you this was around 5 or so and it was only truly beginning to pile up....it's alot more now tonight and before it's over by tomorrow we're expected to have up to 10 inches, then by Tuesday of next week another 5 inches.  Can we say sledding, snowman building and snowball fights?  The kids are planning and the older ones are looking forward to shoveling driveways and making some money.

And here is another couple pictures of the kids and even Brad.....

This one here is my favorite!

My latest find

  I had to post this, I stumbled across this earlier in the evening and thought it was grand.  You know they say it takes a village to raise a child, but I don't know about you, but the village didn't give birth to my child, nor does the village hold the same values as I, nor does the village support my child in regards to love, nurturing, clothing, toys, books and more, so I really felt this summed it up for me, the village couldn't even teach our chidlren adequately before we started homeschooling and I certainly don't want them raising my children...so this is very cool.  Yeah I know I can be mean and sarcastic, but when it comes to my babies (well they're not babies anymore) I can't help myself, afterall I love them and want what's best for them, and I'm sorry but the village is failing and I certainly don't want that for my children.